Texting
by LeFay Strent
Summary: "You should come over and eat what my dad made." "What did he make?" "Me."


**I saw a joke and my muse ran with it.**

 **Oh, and to clarify some of the character names.**

 **Seychelles: Michelle**

 **Belgium: Emma**

 **Romania: Vladimir**

 **Norway: Lukas**

 **Iceland: Emil**

 **Hong Kong: Leon**

* * *

 **Michelle (4:13) –** You should come over and eat what my dad made.

 **Arthur (4:14) –** What did he make?

 **Michelle (4:14) –** Me.

 **Arthur (4:14) –** You're obscene.

 **Michelle (4:15) –** TROLOLOLOL

* * *

 **Michelle (4:17) –** You should come over and eat what my dad made.

 **Gilbert (4:17) –** Tacos?

 **Michelle (4:18) –** No, me.

 **Gilbert (4:18) –** FUCK YEAH COMING OVER!

 **Michelle (4:18) –** lol, not really

 **Michelle (4:19) –** It was a joke.

 **Michelle (4:19) –** I wasn't actually propositioning myself to you Gil

 **Michelle (4:21) –** Gilbert? You're not really coming over are you?

 **Michelle (4:43) –** I'm not answering the door no matter how many times you knock.

 **Gilbert (4:43) –** C'MON!

 **Michelle (4:44) –** No.

* * *

 **Michelle (5:11) –** Want to come over and eat what my dad made?

 **Ludwig (5:13) –** Thank you for the invitation, but I'm busy at the moment.

 **Michelle (5:13) –** Are you by chance looking for Gil?

 **Ludwig (5:14) –** …should I be?

 **Michelle (5:14) –** Idk, but he's been over at my house for the past half hour. My dad caught him climbing a tree.

 **Ludwig (5:15) –** I'm sorry, I'll be over to get him.

* * *

 **Michelle (5:20) –** Want to come over and eat what my dad made?

 **Alfred (5:21) –** yeah! what's on the menu?

 **Michelle (5:21) –** Me.

 **Alfred (5:21) –** I don't get it.

 **Michelle (5:21) –** Me. He made me and I'm on the menu.

 **Alfred (5:23) –** ummm, I'm not into cannibilsm?

 **Michelle (5:24) –** omg Alfred, no

* * *

 **Michelle (5:31) –** You should come over and eat what my dad made.

 **Matthew (5:32) –** No.

 **Michelle (5:33) –** Rude!

 **Matthew (5:37) –** Word on the street is that you're a cannibal.

 **Michelle (5:38) –** No, I want to be eaten.

 **Michelle (5:41) –** Eat me Mattie

 **Michelle (5:44) –** Do you not like me?

 **Matthew (5:59) –** I'm taking an eight hour nap.

 **Michelle (6:00) –** That's not a nap, that's a sleep!

 **Michelle (6:01) –** MATT

 **Michelle (6:02)** – MATT COME BACK AND EAT ME!

* * *

 **Michelle (4:16) –** You should come over and eat what my dad made.

 **Kiku (6:08) –** I apologize for responding so late. I was taking a bath. Am I too late?

 **Michelle (6:09) –** Kiku, it's been two hours.

 **Kiku (6:10) –** You have no room to talk.

* * *

 **Michelle (6:19) –** Want to come over and eat what my dad made?

 **Ivan (6:24) –** Depends. What did he make?

 **Michelle (6:24) –** Me.

 **Ivan** **(6:25) –** It has been a while since I've had human flesh. Thank you for offering.

 **Michelle (6:26) –** Nice. I was joking.

 **Ivan (6:27) –** Oh? But I do not joke.

 **Michelle (6:27) –** I was hitting on you.

 **Michelle (6:29) –** You're not actually going to come over are you? Gil already did that.

 **Michelle (6:33) –** Our doors are locked and I have an axe.

 **Ivan (6:35) –** STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER YOU BITCH!

 **Michelle (6:37) –** Jesus Nat chill

* * *

 **Michelle (6:45) –** Want to come over and eat what my dad made?

 **Antonio (6:48) –** lo siento, I'm out with Francis atm

 **Michelle (6:49) –** I see how it is.

 **Michelle (6:50) –** You both could come eat you know.

 **Michelle (6:55) –** Toni?

* * *

 **Michelle (6:59) –** Real cold, you guys ignoring me like that.

 **Francis (7:01) –** However could I ignore you cher?

 **Michelle (7:01) –** You and Toni are doing a good job of it.

 **Francis (7:02) –** What do you mean?

 **Michelle (7:03) –** He said you guys were out.

 **Francis (7:05) –** He's out with Gilbert this evening. I believe they're helping a family friend move.

 **Michelle (7:06) –** No? Gilbert and Ludwig have literally been at my house for two hours hanging out with my dad?

 **Francis (7:07) –** And Antonio isn't there?

 **Michelle (7:08) –** No. I just texted him a few minutes ago and he said he was with you.

 **Francis (7:08) –** Interesting.

* * *

 **Michelle (7:10) –** You're a jerk Toni

 **Michelle (7:12) –** I'm going to get a bunch of tomatoes and eat them in front of you.

 **Michelle (7:12)** – And when I get full and you ask for the rest of them, I'm going to set them on fire.

 **Michelle (7:12) –** Just to spite you.

 **Michelle (7:13) –** You hear me?

 **Antonio (7:13) –** jfc, stop texting ya bastard

 **Michelle (7:15) –** Lovino?

 **Michelle (7:16) –** ….can I interest you in coming over to eat what my dad made?

 **Antonio (7:17) –** I'm turning this piece of shit off

 **Michelle (7:18) –** I hate you both.

* * *

 **Michelle (7:20) –** Why does nobody want to eat me?

 **Yao (7:21) –** probably because you're disease infested

 **Michelle (7:23) –** I didn't mean to send that to you, but thank you for your input Yao.

 **Yao (7:25) –** anytime

* * *

 **Michelle (7:28) –** Why does nobody want to eat me?

 **Elizaveta (7:29) –** Because they are intimidated by your fierce beauty and know that they can never ascend to your level. They are unworthy.

 **Michelle (7:31) –** I love you Liz

 **Elizaveta (7:31) –** Love you too ;)

* * *

 **Michelle (7:36) –** Would you eat me?

 **Emma (7:37) –** I don't think you'll fit in my waffle iron

 **Michelle (7:39) –** wtf Em

 **Emma (7:47) –** :D

* * *

 **Feliciano (7:50) –** Michelle? Is Lovino over at your house?

 **Michelle (7:51) –** No, he's with Toni and I hate them both.

 **Feliciano (7:54) –** Aw, did you find out about that picture?

 **Michelle (7:55) –** What picture?

 **Feliciano (7:56) –** You didn't know?

 **Michelle (7:56) –** No, what picture?

 **Feliciano (7:57) –** Sorry Michelle! I think I'm going in a tunnel! Talk to you later!

 **Michelle (7:59) –** FELI!

* * *

 **Michelle (8:04) –** I swear to God, whatever picture you have of me, you better delete.

 **Michelle (8:05) –** I will toss you in a pyre and leave you to burn.

 **Michelle (8:05) –** Stop screwing Antonio and answer me damn it.

* * *

 **Lovino (8:11) –** I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

 **Feliciano (8:12) –** I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, I SWEAR!

 **Lovino (8:13) –** YOU TOLD MICHELLE!

 **Feliciano (8:13) –** I MADE A MISTAKE! WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES! I'M SORRY BUT YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE THAT PICTURE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

 **Lovino (8:14) –** FELICIANO YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!

* * *

 **Feliciano (8:21) –** Hypothetically, if someone said something to someone else that they weren't supposed to, and that something was supposed to be a secret, and then a different someone gets really mad at you, how can you prevent them from getting into your house if it's their house too?

 **Ludwig (8:24) –** You told Michelle about the picture, didn't you.

 **Feliciano (8:25) –** gasp! How did you know Luddy?

 **Ludwig (8:26) –** Michelle has been angrily marching through her house muttering something about building a fire. I connected the dots.

 **Feliciano (8:26) –** You're at Michelle's house?

 **Ludwig (8:27) –** Yes, her father is a very knowledgeable in mechanics. We'll be coming back next weekend to build things together.

 **Feliciano (8:29) –** Aww, when you get done bonding, can you please save my life from impending doom?

 **Ludwig (8:31) –** If I need too, I suppose.

* * *

 **Feliciano (8:36) –** Maybe if you tell her where you got the picture, she won't be mad at you!

 **Lovino (8:37) –** that's such a swell idea, Feliciano! you're such a big help!

 **Feliciano (8:37) –** Really?

 **Lovino (8:38) –** no, you bag of dicks. I'm gonna kick the shit out of you when I get home.

 **Feliciano (8:38) -** :'(

* * *

 **Vladimir (8:35) –** Is something bothering you?

 **Michelle (8:36) –** How did you know?

 **Vladimir (8:36) –** I had a feeling. What's going on?

 **Michelle (8:38) –** Apparently, Lovino has some picture of me and Feli knew about it and accidentally let me know, and now Lovi won't answer me, and I'm gonna burn him.

 **Vladimir (8:39) –** Ooooh, when you get done with his body, can I have it?

 **Michelle (8:40) –** Sure, but I need to ask you something first.

 **Vladimir (8:41) –** What is it?

 **Michelle (8:42) –** Would you eat me?

 **Vladimir (8:43) –** Sorry, I'm allergic to fish.

 **Michelle (8:43) –** boy

* * *

 **Lukas (8:52) –** Vlad told me you were having problems.

 **Michelle (8:53) –** Lukas? How the hell is your number saved in my phone?

 **Lukas (8:53) –** Don't question it. Also, maybe you should ask Francis about the picture. He might know something.

 **Michelle (8:54) –** Okay?

 **Michelle (8:54) –** And what do you mean don't question it? Of course I'm going to question it!

 **Michelle (8:55) –** Lukas!

* * *

 **Michelle (8:59) –** You're brother is a little weirdo.

 **Emil (9:00) –** I know. I stopped telling him long ago. He seemed to take pride in it.

 **Michelle (9:01) –** Wanna run away together, escape the madness?

 **Emil (9:01) –** Can Leon come too?

 **Michelle (9:01) –** Sure.

 **Emil (9:02) –** Okay.

 **Michelle (9:02) –** Cool. I just need to start a fire and convince more people to eat me first. Then we can go.

 **Emil (9:03) –** what?

* * *

 **Michelle (9:04) –** You wouldn't happen to know something about a certain picture, would you?

 **Francis (9:08) –** I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

 **Michelle (9:09) –** Don't play with me Francis.

 **Michelle (9:11) –** I know where you live.

 **Michelle (9:14) –** I'll string up your intestines like Christmas tree lights.

* * *

 **Francis (9:10) –** Michelle knows about the picture! You didn't tell her, did you?

 **Francis (9:11) –** She must think I'm the one who took it! What do I do?

 **Francis (9:12) –** Are you there? Answer me, you brute!

 **Francis (9:13) –** You're the one who took it. If anyone should receive her wrath, it is you.

 **Francis (9:15) –** She just threatened my intestines! I am too gorgeous to die! Claim responsibility already!

* * *

 **Lovino (9:16) –** There, I deleted it. Francis was the one who took it.

 **Michelle (9:17) –** You better have. Now answer the damn question.

 **Lovino (9:18) –** what question

 **Michelle (9:18) –** Would you eat me?

 **Lovino (9:19) –** the fuck kind of question is that?

 **Michelle (9:19) –** ANSWER ME!

 **Lovino (9:19) –** FUCK, OKAY! HOW BOUT FUCK NO CAUSE YOU'D PROBABLY GIVE ME SALMANELLA POISONING!

 **Michelle (9:20) –** Just like your pasta.

 **Lovino (9:20) –** How dare

* * *

 **Francis (9:25) –** Why did you tell her it was me?!

 **Lovino (9:26) –** Because I hate you.

 **Francis (9:27) –** She is threatening my life!

 **Lovino (9:27) –** Hasta la pasta.

* * *

 **Emma (8:32) –** Hey, you're good at math, right? I have a question.

 **Alfred (8:33) –** sure, hit me!

 **Emma (8:33) –** How big of a waffle iron would I need in order to waffle a person?

 **Alfred (8:34) –** WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS SECRETLY CANNIBALS?

* * *

 **Gilbert (9:26) –** Michelle wants to go set Francis's house on fire. Want to come too?

 **Antonio (9:27) –** are you going in support of Francis? you're a good friend!

 **Gilbert (9:27) –** Nah, I'm going to watch. Fire's awesome!

 **Antonio (9:28) –** we are bad friends. I'll meet you there.

* * *

 **Kiku (10:03) –** Feliciano, may I ask you a question?

 **Feliciano (10:03) –** Is it a personal question? I love those!

 **Kiku (10:04) –** I'm not sure. I was going to ask your opinion on whether two hour baths are too long.

 **Feliciano (10:05) –** Mmmm, it depends on how much fish you have in you. Like some people can stay in the water for a really long time, and then other people get really pruney in five minutes! I don't have much fish in me, but if I did I could explore a lot of ocean!

 **Kiku (10:07) -** …thank you Feliciano. That was strangely comforting.

 **Feliciano (10:08) –** You're welcome! Oh hey, I think Ludwig is here! He came to save my life!

 **Kiku (10:09) –** Your life is in danger?!

 **Feliciano (10:10) –** That's weird. He's parked over at Francis's house across the street. I think Gilbert and Michelle are with him.

 **Kiku (10:10) –** Feliciano?

 **Feliciano (10:11) –** Oh, Lovi and Toni are here too! When did they get here? I wonder if they're having a party at Francis's house?

 **Feliciano (10:12) –** They're banging on the door and windows, like one of those groups with pitchforks and torches. That must be some party.

 **Kiku (10:13) –** Feliciano, that's not a party. That's a mob.

 **Feliciano (10:13) –** Ooooooohhhhhh

 **Feliciano (10:14) –** It looks like fun :)

* * *

 **Michelle (10:14) –** Little pig, little pig, let me come in.

* * *

 **Francis (10:15) –** AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

* * *

Arthur stepped into his bedroom, rubbing a towel through dampened hair. His phone blinked at him from the bedside table, so he grabbed it and flopped on his bed to relax as he checked through missed messages.

"What now, frog?" Arthur rolled his eyes, seeing Francis had messaged him again. He'd ignored him earlier. What made him think that Arthur would respond now?

The situation had escalated in Arthur's absence. Francis had sent him a steady stream of details depicting Michelle's arrival with the Beilschmidt brothers, followed by others. Francis texted Arthur how they were banging on his door; then that was followed by a scream in caps.

"Wonderful," Arthur smirked.

He swiped at his phone screen to pull up a certain picture. Seeing Michelle's face, he ran his thumb over the image, the same image he had taken over a month ago.

"Simply wonderful."


End file.
